You know everything, but nobody asks you.

You still read the print edition of the newspaper, and what you like best is “Forty Years Ago Today...”

You tell your great grandkids that when you were their age, going to the movies cost less than a 5p today.

You no longer chew gum because of what it does to your dentures.

You’ve always wanted to shoot your age at golf, but you always shoot your weight.

You’re becoming very fond of barbershop quartet music.

It doesn’t matter where your spouse goes, just as long as he/she can find their way back.

You feel certain your anti-wrinkle lotions really work.

You’re not elderly; you’re “chronologically gifted.”