At 80 years old your bones get softer, but your arteries get harder, so it balances out.

Turning 80 means your favourite romantic song is probably now a laxative commercial.

80 years old is when you tell somebody, "I must be losing my memory" and they say, "I know, you told me yesterday."

Birthday Tip: When you go to the Health and Safety class at the Senior Centre, and they ask you what steps you would take in the event of a fire, "Really Big Ones" is the wrong answer.

"By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it."
- Bill Vaughan