Dear LPG,

I have some advice for us older parents to pass onto their children so that it can be passed down through the generations.

Do you remember being young or even middle aged, and so caught up in the intricacies of your own problems and those of your children, that you lost track of many of the other family members around you?  Perhaps you had a list of family birthdays, so they would get a timely card and then of course there would be the annual Christmas card.  

My next question has to be what is your relationship with your children like now?  I know that the answers include reactions like, ‘…really good, I talk with my son/daughter every day’, ‘…not so good, we had a quarrel some time ago and we don’t talk much these days’, or ‘…really good… he/she is abroad but I get letters’, but the overriding reaction will be that they are well, you love them very much. but they are so busy with their own problems that you don’t see them, or like to bother them too much.

This is all wrong. 

It is true that children are children for such a short time these days.  Our grandchildren have them attending dance clubs, football clubs, music lessons, extracurricular private tuition, swimming clubs and so many more.  They also have their mobile phones, video games and own ideas of what they want to do all before they even leave junior school; which suits the parents really well because, though they don’t want to admit it, too many of them are so busy working that having busy children suits their schedules.  It is sad that all too many children measure their parents’ love by the expensive toys and gizmos that they receive.

It is obvious  to me that we, with the aid of the society that has surrounded us over the years,  have taught our children to tip their life-balance scales, so that the acquisition of money and material things  is more important than the time we spend with relatives and friends.  

I appreciate that the pressures of every stage of life are such that it is really hard to fit everything in, and if we are honest, we have seen it coming –but we ignored it.

So I feel that we have to teach our children, as old as they are, that they cannot continue to hide from their parents.  They need to teach their children to add ‘contacting grandparents (if they live close enough), taking the time to skype, facetime or WhatsApp (if one of those options are open to them), telephoning, writing, visiting and making time for their parents and grandparents regularly… and Children (or parents), when your parents get older, remember that they value knowing that you have the time for them and all the uncles and aunts that have no children of their own.

Remember that we have made a large contribution to the loneliness that many of us experience and our self-centred way of life has allowed the social poverty that UK elders experience these days.  Your children and grandchildren need to know that ignorance is not an excuse.   What goes around comes around and their present neglect is very likely to have a real impact on them in the not so distant future.

LG, Reading.