Dear LPG,

I read with interest the article about the importance of preparing your children for old age which was dated January 22^nd 2018  which, though not absolutely related, has triggered what I am about to write now.

Did you know that nowadays there are more “only children” in the country than ever before?  When I was younger my partner and I made a positive decision to have fewer children.  In the mid-1960s everyone was beginning to see the advantages because, for women, the prospect of being a working wife was becoming more popular than the thought of being a housewife.  It meant that there was more money coming in, and buying your own house could be more of a reality.  Having fewer children also meant that we could concentrate on making sure that the ones we did have had nice clothes, better toys and more of our time; while we parents could have some time left over for ourselves. 

But now I can see both forward (to my father dealing with the fact that he can no longer look after himself properly, who lived alone but is beginning to forget things), and backward as it were (to my children, who are married young parents with all the responsibility that that brings).  I am in the middle, having just retired from working life and with so many things that I want to do, before I get too old to.  I have to ask myself, ‘when you are older could it be said that having had fewer children limits your options for the future?’  I am a relatively newly retired son of a father who I am watching as he experiences the onset of dementia and the stages of losing capacity.

I am in the unique situation where I can observe my children and my Father and see where I have come from and where I could be going to in the not too distant future.  Like so many of our children these days geography is much less of a barrier.  I have to admit to being one of the many Lewisham residents who was born in a far flung-country, and who moved here and made it my home when I was younger.

 If we have them, our generation’s children have the habit of moving away from the place where we have made our homes and being geographically distant can make it harder for them to help when the time comes.  It is often the case that there is one who is left close to you and who finds themselves having to shoulder the whole burden of being there for you.

We tend to live in the hope that the children we have will do better than us, but we often forget that the consequence of that success means that they get all caught up with their own lives and adding the burden of having to care for us makes it harder for them.

Every now and then I hear my dad comment on the fact that his other children don’t visit him enough; adding that he thinks they no longer really care or have time for him.  I just hope that when, and if, I reach his age, and stage in life, I can remember what I have written here today.  But I have a feeling that I will forget too.

JB, Ladywell