Dear LPG,

I read the News item posted on 14 06 18 and with the title ‘Appreciate your works…‘ which was suggesting that we older people have got to a stage in our lives where we have earned the right to take a long look at all that we have achieved and enjoy being a little smug.  I have to say that I find that preoccupation really mentally stimulating, valuable and good use of my time when I am feeling a little below par.

However, I would like to point out another reason for getting into ‘Step Back’ mode.  I am sure that I am not unique when I mention having seen my life and its responsibilities get to a point where chaos begins to set in.  

When I retired I wondered what I would find to do in order to fill my days and I know that it is a common thought amongst us recently retired ladies because of the many conversations I have of late been part of on the subject, with friends at a similar stage in their lives.   I have also learned that for many of us ladies, it had a very common solution.

I have quite a big family and I am not only talking about my 3 children and the children that they have produced over the years.  My siblings and their children and the rest of my extended family seem to have become much closer.  So there is a lot that I now find myself doing to help and it appears to me that the more you do to help, the more you get asked to do.    Inevitably this leads to time management issues; in fact,   within months of retiring I have found my willingness to help is leaving me with insufficient time to do the things that I want to do.  It is the little jobs that we take on like doing a little house-sitting to receive a parcel, being the one to spend days being there while your sister’s new kitchen is installed, the (more than) odd grandchild baby-sitting sessions and the phone call from your cousin who knows that you go to her favourite shop and asks you to add a long list of things that she wants to your own list on the day that you plan to go.

Before you know it you need to start saying no to someone for your own sanity.  But  who are you going to disappoint and what will be said to the others when the spurned relation starts to talk!

This is a major ‘step back’; moment in the making.  It is now that you need to be objective and working out who you can disappoint without alienating the rest of the family. 

My suggestion is that one should step back for as long as you need,  get a friend to look at your alternative potential choices with  you,  look up possible solutions on the internet, do all the house things, but first implement one of those really important ‘Step back’ moments.

 YF, Forest Hill