Dear LPG

I was born in the West Indies but emigrated a long time ago.  I was one of those children who were left behind with my grandparents while my parents came to work in post war England.  They were only ever going to be here for a couple of years, but life’s outlook changed, and they sent for me having decided to stay in Britain. 

Like most of the children of my generation, I have lived a really happy life here but still remember and maintain contact with the life and many of the people that I left back home.  I have many friends who have had similar lives, and some, when at the age of retirement have found themselves with choices to be made.

Some return home taking everything with them, others remember that their friends and family are in England so opt to remain here and some decide to remarry.  I have two friends who decided to do this and I have to say that I fear for them. 

I think that people change and so do their motives.  One of those people wants to leave everything, she has to move to somewhere she has only ever seen as a holiday destination on a couple of occasions, while the other married with the intention of bringing her new husband to live in the UK. 

I am not sure how things will turn out for either of them, and I know that there are many others who think that rekindling those old, long distance relationships are the way forward.  I have to say that I worry for them because people change with the passing of time.  Life experiences also change people themselves and the people they think that they know so well.  Past marriages, work experience, children (though now grown up) not to mention the financial implications are all considerations that need to be addressed when younger people get married, but what really concerns me is that so many relatively older people, in similar positions, give up everything to achieve this hopefully happy ending, only to find that they are not with the person that they grew up with, and that they have spent time talking to during many pleasant telephone calls and skype sessions.  We can all become completely different when our lives change so drastically.

I also find myself alone, older and with friends back home and in the United States, including old boyfriends from that time, but finding the right partner is hard enough when you are both young, have a lot less baggage to bring to a marriage and your chosen friend lives close enough for you to be able to spend sufficient time together learning about each other’s imperfections gradually. 

Both of my friends have decided that they will marry and time will tell if they have each made the right decision.

I am not really a kill-joy and want a happy ending for all, but I would ask anyone preparing such a drastic change to consider it very carefully.

CK, Forest Hill.