Dear LPG,

I think that I am a relatively self-assured person but as I get older I seem to have more time to think and I am not so sure that that is always a good thing.  I feel that I can justify most of the things that I have done with my life and I also take it for granted that others will see that too, and perceive me exactly how I see myself, but the other day I got to thinking in a little more depth.  The question that I found myself asking was ‘how do others really see me’?

I know what sort of person I am but, when I think of what others see when they look at me, I wonder if they see what I see.  I have talked to some of my friends about this and those conversations got us talking about some of the others in our group of friends.   Talking about others is something that I try to avoid, although I find myself doing it quite a bit before realising that I need to stop, but more recently I have found that doing this can have a degree of positive significance. 

I like to think that I am an open book with nothing to hide but I have now come to consider that there is some value in such discussions.  When something upsets us worry can begin quite gradually; so gradually that we are not even aware of how much and how severely we can be affected, but the people around us that we call friends are much more likely to notice.  Each may feel that something could be wrong but it is often the case that it is not until a few of them come together and discuss such issues that they will be able to let you know what they are suspecting. 

This happened to me recently and I firstly felt a degree of resentment that not only was I being talked about behind my back by those I call friends but, on reflection, I think that there is a lot of value in being told by friends about things they may notice about your change in behaviour or attitude, especially if their observations allow you to acknowledge a problem that you are finding it easier to ignore the importance of, than to make an effort to resolve.  After all it is often said that you have to be able to acknowledge any problems you may have before you can ever hope to start working on a remedy.

So I would say that it is important to listen to the little comments that are hinted at by your friends and other people around you.  Take them on board rather than resent what is offered.  If more than one person has told you that they are concerned at least taking the time to listen rather than resent the comment could be the beginning of sorting that problem out.

After all, they can’t all be wrong… and remember, you need to have the confidence to return the favour by not staying silent if you are worried about one of the others. 

DT, Crofton Park