Dear LPG, 

I pay regular visits to an elderly grand-aunt who has recently moved into a care home, sadly not so much because of dementia.  She has a degree of it but her problems are more physical than that.

She lost the use of her legs while still living at home alone and cannot use a wheelchair successfully to get out on her own.  Even with four care visits a day, and frequent hospital appointments, life was lonely for her.  We family members visited as often as we could, but she was still on her own for hours on end and it was making her unhappy. Both My mother and one of my aunts invited her to live with one of them but, having thought about each of the offers, she came to the conclusion that she would get in the way of her daughters’ busy lifestyles and she did not want to become a burden to either of them.  Sheltered accommodation did not make a lot of difference in her mind either because she felt that she would be just as lonely, so she made the decision to make the move that she did. 

When we talk she often tells me that the residential home that she is in is not ideal but it is really good to have someone there to watch a bit of telly with, and talk to, and there are quite a few activities organised every day to keep residents occupied.  The members of staff are really kind and it is a bit like living in a hotel but with one real difference.

When I visit I try to avoid the subject of her life now although that is the subject we usually end up talking about.    She always tells me that she feels lucky because we have a large family and she is often visited unlike many of her housemates and, though the home is lovely, the fact that she cannot just get up and go out when she wants to is tantamount to being imprisoned, even though it is a really nice prison.  She has often told me that losing her mobility is like losing her independence.  She says living there is like being under house arrest, and going out on one of the organised trips gives limited enjoyment unless you have a friend or family member with you.   I did take the hint but have to admit that I was reluctant to rise to the occasion.

At the end of last year’s glorious summer the home arranged an outing and, I have to admit to being really worried about manoeuvring her wheelchair effectively.   Even though I was quite worried about what to expect, I took the day off and went along while one of her grandchildren was with her on the other occasion.   We did have a good time and of course there was someone on hand to deal with any problems that I encountered.  We even went for a short walk on our own and I gained some confidence.   I learned that pushing her down the road to a local café from time to time is not such a frightening experience on a warm day and makes a change from the surroundings of the home. 

I know that I am not telling an original story here, and it all depends on the severity of the illness that your loved one is suffering from, but I would like to tell other readers not to be too worried about an outing which includes a wheelchair.  Once you have mastered getting it in and out of shop doors and cafes you will have a great time; and more importantly so will the wheelchair user.

HS, Brockley