Dear LPG,

I read with interest what Rudy had to say about the children of us older people  (►►►),, and the fact that they don’t visit or call very often, and I empathise, but I do have to ask if sometimes we make it easier for them to forget us.  

It is true that we all get caught up in our own lives, but I have noticed that as I have become older I am happier in a quieter environment.  I am lucky I suppose, because I do not have any hearing problems so far and perhaps that makes it even easier for me to ignore and turn down those family invitations where I know that there will be a party, the general chaos that accompanies the really young members of the family and lots of loud noise.  I have always wondered about the advantages of a social occasion where it is quite difficult to talk much, let alone socialise and that is before the whole business of preparing and getting to the function.

I make an exception for family weddings, the odd christening and the inevitably growing number of funerals that happen as you get older but I have found a new answer for such invitations lately.  Instead of accepting or refusing when asked, I go for the middle ground and just say, “I will see how I feel”. 

I got in to a discussion on this very topic not so long ago and one of my children confided that many of my grandchildren don’t bother to invite me these days and I miss out on one of the vital aspects of keeping in touch all because I am too busy ‘seeing how I feel on the day’.  They are all busy with their own lives but there is always one family member who will offer to get me there and back.  The problem is that they like to plan ahead and, while we all know that plans can change very quickly, it is so much easier for them to make no provision if they get used to being turned down.

Perhaps I find such gatherings tedious and loud but I have to remember that being there reminds people of who you are even if there is too much going on or it is too noisy to actually have even one vaguely meaningful conversation so much of the time. 

How can we argue about not being visited by the youngsters if we don’t make the effort to be there when invited and it is always a good excuse to either go shopping (albeit online), allow one of those rarely warn party outfits an outing or perhaps air the suit that has not seen the light of day for a while.

So approach it as a call of duty even if you don’t like the noise much (I bet there was a time that you really enjoyed loud music way back in your history) and, depending on how well you hear, these might the occasions when it is a good idea to take the hearing aids out or employ two really big wads of cotton wool to the items you take with you. 

There is always lots to see even if you don’t really want to hear too much and failing that you can always close your eyes, but be there.

FW, Camberwall