Dear LPG,

I hope that readers do not think this too negative a subject to touch upon but as we all have to go at some point I wanted to leave a message for the loved ones of those who have left this existence.

As I have mentioned before, not so long ago, I would have considered this a subject that I would not like to read about, but bereavement sort of changes one’s perception.

I became one of those left behind about a year ago and we were told that you have to leave a year before even laying a headstone but, for me, if we are not careful that year can be the time that we lose the habit of visiting and maintaining a place of rest.

Over the past year I have been to the grave of my departed relative about half a dozen times and, in spite of the fresh flowers and pot plants various members of my family have taken, it now is just green and muddy.  My family are just starting to look at what can be done.

I recently went with an older friend to visit her husband and help her have a bit of a tidy up.   She told me that she used false flowers to ‘cheer it up a bit’, which is something I thought disrespectful somehow. Even though my perception of visiting such places has changed and I didn’t know exactly what I was expecting to see, I found her use of artificial flowers really did cheer up the whole place.  They do fade but not half as often as the real ones and they weather the winter and don’t need changing as often. I have suggested that my family adopt this idea and it occurred to me that anyone wondering what they are going to do to maintain a grave should consider her colourful efforts as a way forward.

UB, Sydenham.