Dear LPG,

I suppose that I am talking to all those grandparents, and especially the grandmothers with this thought.  As things like work and their personal freedom become more important in our children’s lives, it is often the case that grandchildren have a habit of arriving later, with the result that many of us oldies don’t get to enjoy them until we get to retirement. This means that we have the time to observe them more closely because our work focus is often a thing of the past by then.

When it comes to children, I have no doubt that we grandparents remember how hard it was to be parents sometimes.   There were days when one of them did something really naughty and I didn’t know what to do.  I know that my first action was to get on the phone to my mum for some advice; I was lucky to have one near enough.

But now that my family is stretching down to that generation, all my children’s parenting skills seem to be learned from a book or, of course the internet, and the government’s legal interference does not help. 

I bet I am not alone when I say that I am a grandparent who can see many aspects of rearing my grandchildren that I would like to advise their parents on, but I am pretty sure that my input would not be appreciated, so I bite my lip and keep my opinion to myself while I watch my grandchildren, the children of today, focusing far too much on what they want and what they need to the exclusion of having any empathy for the people around them.  The children of the present kid’s kids grow up far too quickly, from what I can see. 

I am sure that we older ones still believe that there is value in ‘nipping’ bad behaviour ‘in the bud’.  I think there are little things that we grandparents can do to let our younger grandchildren know that we have been upset by reports of things that they have done without upsetting mum and dad too severely, and although you can’t remember everything you say to the little ones while they are away I think it is important to keep your children in the loop with the bigger issues.

If you are close enough and able to take on some babysitting duties, you can use that time alone with them to make a difference with the things that you talk to them about, that approach works just as well over the phone.  Grandparents often are the ones who have a little present every time they see the little ones and those presents can also become rewards.   You are always entitled to your opinion, I often seek the opinion of mum and dad before broaching some subjects though.  If there is more than one sibling, I have learned to use comparison to hit the odd point home.  

It’s a bit of a minefield but we grandparents have to do what we can in our own small way.

CK, Bromley

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