Dear LPG,

I am hoping that LPG might consider posting my little offering on mother’s day just because it has the faintest modicum of relevance.

I am getting on a bit but I have lived in my home for a long while and I am still good friends with some of my neighbours.  there are six of us who became close when our children were young.  We would meet at the school gates, get rid of the kids for the day and then go to one house or the other for a coffee and a chat, and that habit continued when the little ones moved on to secondary school and beyond.    As that happened some of us got jobs and did things that made our meetings happen less often, and often as lunch or dinner at a local eating house, but we have managed to keep that friendship going and still make time for what started out as a mother’s meeting but is now well and truly a meeting of grandmothers.

Some of the original members have moved and are not with us as regularly as they used to be and we have acquired a few new ones along the way.  The house opposite was sold a couple of years ago now and one of the new occupants, an older lady, and I got talking and I ended up introducing her into our ‘Grandmothers’ coffee mornings, afternoons or evenings.

Recently we all got talking about what we are going to do with what we have got when we are gone by way of making sure that those children that we used to take to school all that time ago get the most out of whatever inheritance is left, and she told us what she has done.  She lives with her son’s family and is in her mid-eighties now. 

She says that she felt fortunate because they all moved into their new home together which made it feel less like they were rearranging their lives specially to accommodate her.  She sold her house and was able to help them financially with a house move which afforded them more living space although she ended up with a little less. 

She mentioned that a lot of her furniture and belongings had to go but she felt pretty lonely rattling around in her previous home and told us that she could see a time when she really wouldn’t be able to manage and when her alternative would be an old peoples home.  All moving together ensured that she did not feel like an intruder and they all had to find new places for everything and learn the new house rules together.

She told us her ulterior motive and said that she only agreed to the move because her financial input was helping the whole family, including her, to improve their living standards.  There was something special about the fact that they were all finding their feet in their new home at the same time.  She was happy that she was part owner of her new home and it was a good way of maximising the amount of money that her son’s family would inherit from her.

She said that they are busy going about their work and school lives during the week days but during the evenings there is a hustle and bustle around the house that she so missed when she was living alone.  She ended by saying it is not all plane sailing.  There are times when the children get too noisy but there is something special about being in the quite of your room while hearing all that is going on beyond the door.  She still doesn’t know what the future holds, because during the days there is that quietness that she was trying to get away from, but having neighbours is a good thing and being able to invite them in without feeling that you are invading the family’s privacy because you all live together is a good feeling too. 

I think that she might have found a way forward that others might think about…

FL, Bellingham.

LPG found this advice on what to consider when deciding to live with family…

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