Dear LPG,

I have a neighbour who lives down the road from me. Time was when we hardly had time to swap the odd ‘Hello’ and a smile because of all the stuff that we had to do.  Although that situation gradually changes and the children grow up while we older ones grow down, in a manner of speaking.

I am so aware that she has few visitors apart from her carers these days.  We have both lived on the same street for years and, when we first moved there over thirty years ago, we would say hello, as you do when you pass each other on the way home from the shops or going off to work. 

We were much younger then but I am sure that I am not the only person that attests to the notion that time seems to pass so much faster as you get older and, before you know it, the people that crowded the road where you lived seem to change and thin-out as the children that yours went to school with move away and spouses leave us one way or another.   There are also many other factors; you have retired from work or your children and other family members that depended on you to do things like helping with DIY or looking after their little ones, end up moving so far away that you don’t see as much of them and life can get a bit lonely.

The neighbour I mentioned has the added restrictions that becoming housebound adds but, while I can still get out and about I try to visit a couple of times a week.   I have always tried my best to keep the conversation upbeat in order to leave her in a positive frame of mind and we used to reminisce quite a bit over a cup of tea, but I have always wondered if I outstay my welcome sometimes.  It occurred to me not to visit so often but that would just leave her more lonely, and while there are lots of other things that I am still able to get out to do, and classes and clubs that I attend, I often live in hope that, if I ever get to a stage when I cannot get out and about so readily, someone will find the time to visit me because they want to and not because they are paid to.

One day a while ago, when the conversation went a bit flat during such a visit, I found myself talking about one of my personal family problems instead of trying to keep the conversation upbeat, and I found that she seemed to find comfort in being able to offer me some advice.  Her guidance was surprisingly helpful too and I feel that having the opportunity to offer me some help made her feel more useful.

My visits continue but our conversations have become more meaningful which I believe make them more beneficial to both of us, and I would like to remind anyone who visits someone who cannot get out as much as they used to to remember that, while the chats that make you smile are good, it is also good to keep the conversations real.

NT, Lewisham.