Dear LPG,

I have a dilemma and wonder if I am the only one. 

Just like many others, I am a younger pensioner who has forged a few new friendships since I retired, and over those eight years we have all got a little older and some a little frailer. I am beginning to feel that bit older and frailer myself although it is important not to give in to such things, which may be why so many of us dismiss them until we really can’t anymore.

One of my new friends has always had a bad habit, which I have spent years trying to discourage him from.  He is a smoker and we spent lots of time watching the adverts that tell you how bad it is for you to do that.  He blames his years in the armed forces for his habit and over the years I have tried to inspire him to give up, because one thing that I have always noticed is that chesty way of breathing that some smokers have. His cough is one of those things that I have to admit to getting so used to that I did not notice it gradually getting worse until I really thought about it.

I have a car and he does not anymore, so whenever I visit I ask if there is anything I can get from the shops for him. There is always the daily paper and the odd pint of milk or loaf of bread, but I remember refusing to get anymore packs of nicotine sticks for him in an attempt to get him to kick the habit. I even persuaded him to try e-cigarettes when they first became popular and I thought we had made a breakthrough for a while. He told me that he was down to a ‘one in the morning’ habit and I believed him. With me nagging in his ear constantly he has tried those patches and chewy things that are supposed to make a difference, and at one time I thought I was making an impression on him.  The problem is that when I visit he doesn’t indulge, because he knows that I don’t really approve, so it was quite easy for me to accept that he had all but given up, although if I am honest, I could always smell the evidence.

Lately his answer to my offers to pick up a few things on the way to his house have begun to include cigarettes again and I know how hard it is for him to get out for himself.  So I have given up in a way and get them for him.  I know they are no good for him, but they are one of his pleasures in life. He asks and I comply.

In his case it is smoking, but I suppose there are many friends that are doing something which helps to perpetuate bad habits by helping with so many vices; gambling, eating things that are bad for you, drinking etc.

I suppose that I have come to the conclusion that quality of life is as important as quantity and that there is no point in perfect living if you are not enjoying some aspect of your life.  But I often wonder what sort of friend my actions make me.

QF, Crofton Park.