Dear LPG,

I was on the train the other day when I got talking to another pensioner who introduced me to your website and, even though I live nowhere near Lewisham Borough anymore, I found it refreshing to find a website which gives anyone who has something to say a way to share their thoughts on any subject.

I know that it depends on the individual, but I think that poetry is a wonderful way to say what you want to, without having to explain all the details, and I noted that there are not that many poems featured so I would like to share this self-penned offering in the hope that it will inspire a few more writers to put their thoughts into verse…

Gremlins     

Little folk like Gremlins delighted me aged five,

In stories offered thrills and fun, made me feel alive,

But they’re scary now I’m seventy - hide my specs so I can't see.

They took away my toilet brush. I’m sure it wasn’t me.

Footprints in the butter and spittle on the stairs,

And my brand new satin nightie now has horrid little tears.

Toilet paper shredded and ketchup in the loo,

To trick me, make me think it’s blood or are they vampires too?

Nor can I escape them when the day draws to a close,

They leap in bed beside me, pick the skin between my toes.

Tickle, pinch until I’m sore, giggle, cough and sneeze,

And when I bathe, turn on the cold tap till I almost freeze.

Last month my knickers disappeared, demure ones, white and long,

Much too big for Gremlins, who’d be better with a thong.

D’you think they might have used them for a tent or a marquee?

I do so miss those knickers - losing them is such  a tragedy.

I used to have six wine glasses, but now I've only three,

The Gremlins must have smashed them. I know it wasn't me.

Alarms have been installed now by a kind man at the door.

They flash and have red buttons, but who knows what they're for?

The Gremlins in November with their fireworks caused such fright,

I couldn’t sleep with all the noise, I tossed and turned all night,

They drank my wine at Christmas and they sicked up my mince pies,

 What will they do when New Year comes? I wait and agonise.

Would it be a good idea to buy a trunk or bin?

If Gremlins bent to look inside, then could I push them in?

Those devils are more devious now. My efforts are in vain,

I fear they will defeat me and I might end up insane.

P.J.Ferst