Dear LPG,

I read what HG had to say about the importance of keeping your family close (►►►) and I agree with everything that she said bar one aspect of her message which jumped out at me somewhat.

If you have them, I agree that it is really good to keep up to date with your children and be in contact in whatever way you can, but I have misgivings about what she had to say on the subject of her son who all-be-it in his perception of her best interests, was turning into a bit of a dictator. 

I have a friend who is always telling me about one of her sons who sounds as if he has become the autocrat in her life.  She knows that he means well but he sees the need for her to follow a daily routine which he feels is best for her in spite of her personal life preferences.  He phones to wake her every morning much earlier than she wants to get up and have breakfast, and, rather than rock any boats, she lets him dictate even when she does not agree.   She tells me that she just says yes and then does what she wants once his visit is over and he can’t see what she is up to.   She says that he often tells her that he knows best and, as a result, even though they talk every day she feels that the fun aspect of any conversation that they used to have is missing.

Perhaps it is because I am a father, and a pretty old fashioned one at that, I have always been in a position where my children felt that they needed to treat me with a bit more respect, but while I laugh and joke with each of my two sons they still know where the line is drawn.

We all know that, as we get older, if we are lucky enough to have children that take the time out to look after us in any way, they can often take over our lives while thinking that they are doing the best for us, especially if we continue to live alone in our own homes, but I think that it is really important to remind them that there are different ways to approach even the toughest of subjects, so that parents continue to feel in control of their own lives.  While I know that there is a fine balance to be struck between listening to what your now quite big, little ones have to say, letting them help you with some of those things that you cannot manage anymore and feeling in control of your own life, perhaps they need to be reminded from time to time that they need to slow down to our pace a little and hear what we have to say. 

And ladies, the older mums among us have to be assertive too!

ES, Rushey Green