Dear LPG, 

Seeing your post about celebrating National Career Week by looking back at some of the amusing things that happened during our working days, got me to thinking about what I used to do to earn a living.

I spent some of my working life driving a London bus, and although I don’t remember being a bus driver quite like the television program ‘On the busses’ made it appear, it had its ups and downs.   From what I understand, most of the garages don’t have them anymore but the garage canteen was the place where the second most popular activity (The first being eating), was talking.  You could not help but hear all the stories the drivers and conductors would tell.  

I defy any bus worker not to have a story to tell so, as I listened, I wrote a few of the funniest ones down and could not help sharing one to mark the occasion.   Though a bit risqué, I think that we older readers might enjoy this one (I hasten to add I was not the driver in question) … 

The obliging passengers

There is nothing as gratifying as a passenger, or two, who follow a driver’s advice and I have a story about just such a couple.  

I was doing a late turn this particular evening and got to the end of the bus’s route.  As usual, I left my cab having turned the lights off and I began my quick check of the bus for lost property etc.  The daylight was beginning to fail but I checked in darkness because my next planned action was a trip to a nearby shop for a warm drink to be consumed during my relatively long period of stand time.  As I prepared to leave the bus I noticed that it was rocking.  I felt the necessity to investigate again.  

I got to the top of the stairs and looked towards the back of the bus where, in the half-light, I could just make out some articles of clothing strewn about the various seats, a couple of legs with feet pointing towards the ceiling protruding from behind the second to back seat and a rather interesting set of breathing exercises which seemed to come to an abrupt stop as I investigated further.  Without getting too much closer, I put 2 and 2 together and decided that my presence was not really required. As we all know ‘Three’s a crowd’.  So I turned to descend the stairs, and mumbled ‘please close the doors on your way out’ as I left the bus to pursue my original plan.  

Some ten minutes later, when I returned, the bus doors were closed and before starting the next trip I was compelled to check the state of the upper deck, which was faultless. So, as I began my next trip I conceded that some passengers really do what they are told!

LG42956
(This is the Bus Driver’s Number of the teller of this story)

JB, Lewisham