Dear LPG, 

I recently read what GN had to say on negative conversations, and I noted that although the author was talking about her aunt the illustration was of two men and their conversation.  (►►►)

I don’t know who chooses the pictures but that one got me thinking and, taking a look at what Google has to say on the subject of just how much we adults talk and how honest we are when communicating, is something that so many of us fail to acknowledge all too often.  

The one thing that is agreed on is that talking is a really important exercise.  Articles I have read about verbalising things tells that the practise helps to sort those (practicalities, decisions, concerns, emotions etc.) out in our minds and talking to someone is a way of making sure that we do the job of putting things into perspective more successfully.  

We older people are often accused of talking to ourselves.  I don’t know if you are guilty, but I do it all the time when I think I am alone and sometimes I get caught and feel really stupid.  

But back to the picture… 

I wonder if we get more self-conscious as we get older.  I think that men think it is a sign of weakness to tell people how they really feel and while when we meet an acquaintance in the street and get asked the most popular opening questions of greeting; ‘Hello, how are you today?’, we do that typical British thing and just give the generic answer, ‘OK,’ or, ‘Not too bad’. 

Talking is very therapeutic if only we would take the time to do it more, and honest chat is so healthy.  Another thing that I always worry about is being labelled as an older person that only ever talks about their aches and pains.  There are no two ways about it we get more of them as we get older and we are much more likely to talk about them at length than the emotional things that are bothering us because, especially for men, I have found that they would rather dwell on physical pain than the emotional pain that they are experiencing. 

I have always found that people don’t open up because they are worried about how what they really feel will colour the opinions of them that the people around them have.  But perhaps we need to remember that hearing other people’s problems often reminds you that yours are not the worst ever and sometimes a bit of advice from an acquaintance who is not so close to you that they cannot be objective, can have a positive influence on your outlook.

So, I would like to echo what GN said, but add that real conversations are equally as important as the sad ones, the happy ones, the ones that help you put your anger into perspective and the ones that lift your spirits.  After all, we pensioners are the generation at the time of our lives where we only need to please ourselves and have the optimum time to chat…

JA, Ladywell

JA shares some of the information she found on the subject of talking…

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