Dear LPG, 

I am a hands-on grandmother, and as such, I think that I have a reasonable grounding when it comes to looking after young children. 

I did have two of my own, which I think has to count for something, and consequently, I have two sets of grandchildren, as you might expect.   They each live a fair distance from each other, and I look after each set occasionally. 

As any hands-on grandparent knows, each one of them comes with their issues, and then, when you put each set of siblings together, there are different dynamics found in each mixture.  

This is something that I only do occasionally and with each separate family at different times, which leaves me wondering how I ever managed when I was the mum doing all this added to working and keeping house.  

But there is another difference. All the children in question are still at primary school, and, in my case, there is only one school per family, but when I take them, I cannot help but remember taking their parents to school each morning back in the day.

Things haven't changed that much since those days. The playground is as noisy as ever, with the little ones working off the energy breakfast seems to have given them. But there are a few differences. The parents are much more likely to line the streets by the school with their cars at drop-off time, and there are also many more grandparents doing the dropping-off.

One of the constants is the chastising that needs to be done as the children do all those things that you would rather them not do.  

But I have noticed a difference in how I deal with that, and I wonder if any other hands-on grandma agrees with me. 

My corrections come with my old-fashioned values, which are often not up to date enough for their parents, but I find myself being much more guarded about the consequences of dealing with my son's children than my daughters'.

I have concluded that we grandmas come in two categories. Our children's mothers are influenced by their mothers, so my daughter's principles have been shaped quite a bit by mine. Still, when it comes to my son's children, there is a risk of being branded or typecast with that overbearing mother-in-law label that made us the butt of so many classic jokes back in the day, and I don't want that.

I remember when comedians had a lot to say on the subject, it takes me back to those times when I was the mum, and I had a few misgivings about some of how my mother-in-law influenced my family.

While I accept that there are many different levels on which any in-law works, I wonder if any other Grandmas / Mothers-in-law approach the same aspects of being one differently depending on if they are the family's maternal or paternal grandma?

OC, Crofton Park

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