Dear LPG, 

Most of us know that getting older means slowing up to some extent. I think that how much longer it takes to do things can be one of the most frustrating aspects as the years go by, and if you have friends or family members who are a few years older than you, seeing them get slower is a constant reminder of how much slower you are likely to get. 

Ever since I retired over ten years ago, I have spent a lot of time with a group of older friends that I was introduced to by a neighbour. I found myself pretty alienated after the novelty of being lazy all day wore off, and while my evenings and weekends were always taken up with my family, shopping and watching television seemed to make for very long weekdays at that time. This neighbour introduced me to a social club and her friends, and I seemed to fit in.

We all reside on the same street, and, over the years, we have entertained each other with coffee mornings, outings during the summer months, and a social club that we all visit.    The three of us live alone while the other two are a married couple, and I think that I can say that we are all steadfast friends who know a lot about each other's lives. We spend a lot of time together, and you can't do that without chatting about what makes you happy and sad, what worries you, your problems, aches and pains. Over the years, we have all met a few of each other's sons and daughters, although few live locally.

One of us is a few years older than the others, and the rest of us could not help but worry about her.   She has become a little frailer and more unstable with her walking, and the odd stumble began to happen more often a few months ago.  

Occasionally, it would come up in our conversations with her, but she dismissed it. Then, for a while, the other four of us found ourselves talking about our friend's predicament more and more and suggesting many solutions.  

Finally, the other four of us tried talking with her, but she would shrug it off and assure us that she was fine and just had to be more careful. We did not want to appear too nosy or overbearing because, while we were worried about her physical health, we did not want to upset her in our group.

We know she has one particular son who visits regularly, and his mum often told us how well he was getting on at work. We wondered if the effects of his career and other life commitments might leave him unable to see what we could do during his short visits with her and that he might not be aware of how worrying things are getting.

We all agreed that ganging up on him was not the way to go, so the others elected me, the group's youngest, to chat with him.   For a while, I was apprehensive about where to start, but I found that stating facts was the way to go without making any suggestions unless they were asked for.  

The outcome was positive; her son told me that he and his siblings were already having the same conversations with her, and while they don't want to take control away from her, they are working on solutions, but the fact remains.

There is no easy way to communicate this message, but if your friends and family don't say something, who will? It might not be about unstable walking. We might be doing many things differently, and even a little dangerously, without realising it. Still, the one thing that's for sure is that something like this will happen to all of us at some point in the future.

The big question is, when we need to be told, how will we take the news?

PA, Lewisham 

PA has found a little information which might be helpful although it comes with advertising…

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