Dear LPG

When Parents are mentioned, most people imagine a couple holding hands with one or two young children in tow, although when we older people think of parenthood, we might see a slightly different vision.    I believe that when it comes to the subject of family, geography has proved to be a cruel thing over the years, while so many younger people don’t even know it.  I am referring to the ‘distance’ aspect of it all. 

When most people of my age left home in the 1960s and 1970s, while some moved abroad or miles away from where they grew up, the odds were that at least one child would live reasonably local enough to make at least one weekly visit to see their elderly parents.  

When taking a look at my friends these days, most of their children live so much further away from where they grew up with the result that their visits have become more likely to be special occasion affairs as opposed to the drop-in for the half-hour chats which allowed us to all keep up to date with the day-to-day family goings on. 

It is true that back then, the telephone was another way to stay current, and we talked so much more. I'm curious to know if today's pensioners find themselves getting more and more texts and WhatsApp messages that they forget to check even if they have learned how, while there is less time to have a quick face-to-face chat.   

I was one of four siblings, and when I finally left home, I moved three miles away from my parents, meaning my children were a much more significant part of their lives.  There were more visits, and babysitting sessions also helped.   One lived abroad for a bit, but the other three were all able to pop in to help with those things that they found a bit difficult and, though I thought the half-hour bus ride or the ten-minute drive a bit inconvenient late in the evenings, it was not that much of a problem.  On Sundays, we would all meet for lunch at grandma's, and we were all so much closer despite the odd disagreement between family members.   

I now have two middle-aged children who live about 35 miles away in different directions.  This means that grandchildren are usually seen on screen, which is different, and visits have stopped being that casual knock on the door with a cup of tea and a half-hour chat. 

I remember complaining about everything we had to do back then, which left us with so little time for the social aspects of life. Still, now that our children have all the convenience of such things as washing machines that do the work for them and online shopping, which dispenses with all that time and the need to organise the children. At the same time, they pace the supermarket aisles, and spare time continues to be in very short supply. 

When I think about where this is all headed, I see the trend where children are now finding it too expensive to move away, which might repair the current geographical trend regarding the next generation of pensioners because they will see each other daily. 

I think that it is true that there is a delicate balance when it comes to having children who live far enough away from you for their independence but close enough to help, although I am not sure that the balance will ever be just right…

When you open the front door to family, is it more likely to be a child or grandchild who just popped in to say hello, or will you have spent all day preparing for that half-term family visit where the trip up took at least an hour, the grandchildren are tired and hungry from the journey when they arrive and their parents hardly have time for a real catch-up because their thoughts are already absorbed with the best time to leave to avoid the traffic on the way home?

TG, Crofton Park