Dear LPG

Have you ever wondered why it seems as if the worst possible things always happen to you? You are forgetting that they happen to everyone else, too, but most of the terrible things that happen to us are the ones we keep to ourselves.

Think back to when you had charge of children. Telling them off wasn’t always something I did in public or even in earshot of their siblings.  I often remember that because I was more likely to take them to one side and choose not to humiliate them with an audience, the first thing that would come back to me when I told one of mine off was, ‘Why are you always picking on me?’

My discretion would leave each of them thinking I only ever had it in for the child subject to the father/son talk of the day.

I now do my fair share of looking after grandchildren, and when babysitting, they seem to see me as much stricter than their parents. Life treats so many of us adults, especially retirees, similarly if we let it.

While it happens to ladies, too, they are more likely to share their problems; too many of us men are so busy maintaining the illusion that we are self-sufficient that we can let things get on top of us.   As a result, life has a way of telling us all off as we go through the negative things it has to offer each of us, and regardless of age, we so often feel that we are the only people who are having it tough.  

It is so easy to feel that you are being personally persecuted. However, what can often happen is that while you think that you are being persecuted one-on-one, many of the other people around you are getting their share of personal persecution, too.  

Ironically, we humans are very selective when sharing our severe problems and setbacks with the people around us.

As a parent, there were always two ways to address a child with misdemeanours. It had to be done, but in the same way that we could talk to them publicly or privately; we adults now have control and can suffer our problems on our own or with the help and advice of our friends.

Human nature would get me talking one-on-one to a child first and only resorting to the public admonishment when the private version did not work. When things go wrong in our lives, if whatever is upsetting us is getting too much, it might be time to ignore the embarrassment factor and talk to someone about your feelings, no matter how silly it appears.   

Very little can happen to you that has not happened to someone else before … 

TF, Downham.