Dear LPG, 

I recently read Beverly’s poem entitled ‘No Flowers’, and it made me feel very sad.   

It was a sad poem and it truly succeeded in getting me to feel the negativity of a lonely birthday for a while, and I think that the poet was right when she mentioned that it is probable that any pensioner who reads it will be more than likely to have had at least one birthday which left them feeling relatively alone and somewhat forgotten.

I understand that we have to have the sadder poems as well as the positive and beautifully descriptive ones, but I think that her comment about everyone having been there at one time or another is also very true and even sadder.  I know what she is talking about.

I live alone and have very little family left, and there were a couple of years where I just sat on my own at home doing a lot more commiserating than celebrating on the anniversary of my birth if I am honest.  

I have many friends, well, acquaintances who I go out with during the week but I suppose we often feel that, at our time of life, while we might brag a little about our ages, our date of birth is not something to broadcast.   Friends talk and it might come up in conversation months away from the time, but if it doesn’t, how do you let them know?

I know that I would be reluctant to tell my friends when the big day is.  I would wonder if any such out-of-the-blue announcement of my upcoming birthday might lead them to think that I am touting for presents, and there is little point in planning a little surprise for yourself because that would not be a surprise at all. 

I have come to the conclusion that the secret is asking when everyone else’s birthday is and making a list publically.  Most ladies would follow suit and if you remember to get the other members of the group focussing in on individual member’s birthdays by encouraging them to join together to get a little cake, well, as they say... ’What goes around, comes around.’  

There is something else to remember even if you find yourself alone on your birthday.  Your memories and all that you have achieved in your life so far, have to be the biggest presents that you will ever get even if you do have to buy the cake and plonk, and celebrate on your own.  If you have any, the kids that live abroad or are caught up with their own problems, the work that you did, the things you have made, the possessions you have acquired and the things that you have done are Father Time’s birthday presents to you if you will let them be. 

Lastly, I would like to emphasise something Beverly also mentioned; and that is the gentlemen who rather than receiving a bunch of flowers, might be appreciative of a drink and a celebratory hour or two down the pub with their mates. 

Perhaps a happy birthday for a person who lives alone is more about making sure that your group of friends don’t miss out on your celebration of theirs.  Let me repeat… ’What goes around, comes around.’   

FL, Lewisham