Dear LPG

I recently read an article on your pages where the writer says that, on retirement, many find that they can overfill an initially empty schedule by helping people with their problems to the point where there is no time for themselves. I agree that it is tough to get the balance just right (►►►).    

KH also pointed out that many of us might not have the money to do that, and I agree, although I think it is harder for the men of this world, even if they are married and have worked through all the trappings that marriage and children add to the mix. 

Whatever else retirement means to each individual who has to work through it, saying goodbye to the repetition of the working day can leave us without an essential life prop.  Many of us will have spent years complaining about how much time we have spent working.  Somehow, my wife has so much more going on in her life, and I found retiring earlier than she did left me with lots to do and lots of time to do it but little impetus to get started once I was left on my own each weekday.  

A few years ago, I said hello to a newly retired fellow, and it only took a couple of minutes for me to get the feeling that he appeared to have a post-retirement lack of focus issue, too.  One day, I passed him as I walked down the street, and he looked a bit sad.   I said hello, and he acknowledged that with a sort of smile, resulting in my making another comment.  That was a while ago, and we have since become friends.  We meet up a few times a week now, but from what he shared when we first talked, it appears that he has spent a whole lifetime working through a routine that he disliked but depended on to get through his otherwise relatively empty days.  

He has often talked about how much he hated working. Still, I suspect that, like me, for years, the most critical aspect of his life was the 40 hours a week he spent commuting and indulging in what so many of us remember as a somewhat humdrum aspect of life once we are rid of it. Having never been married or partnered up, he has the added problem of little else to focus on.

I would have thought him a negative person had I not taken the time to get to know him. We are all told how difficult it is to make that first connection with a stranger. But it would be best if you connected with a stranger to become friends, and we men need to connect more.  

The women of this world have so much more going on in their lives than their work.  Perhaps it’s because today’s retired ladies are more likely to have spent their time sorting the kids, doing the shopping and opening up to the ladies around them.  Things are changing now, with the younger men finding themselves in a world where they must get involved because women won’t stand having to do it all alone anymore.   But we old-school men need more bromances in our lives.  We more upbeat members of the species need to drag the more introverted and hostile men into positivity with us…   

FL, Lee