Dear LPG readers,

We all have many habits in common, and the particular combination of what we like, do and believe in makes us unique; however, our health can sometimes take over and change who we are.

It is hard to work out what defines each of us, but if asked, most of my friends would say that I am the guy who never hears what my friends say correctly.  It has taken me quite a while to accept that my hearing differs from the way it used to be because they have to say everything more than twice, and I often still need to understand what they are getting at.  The results are usually hilarious, and my friends and I have learnt to live with that aspect of me, but it took me so long to stop pretending, tell them and have my hearing checked.  

Many things change us as we get older, and many of them will leave us in a state of self-denial before we can accept them, let alone tell others about them.   The internet suggests that well over one in 5 men suffer as they get older, but how long does it take to be comfortable to live with becoming incontinent?    One of my friends suddenly stopped attending our weekly day centre, and it took ages to work out why. He was worried about leaving the house for fear of getting caught out in that way and too embarrassed to do anything about it himself.  

I am pretty happy to tell people that I am deaf in one ear now, but it took years for me to be comfortable enough to say to a person I had just met that I could not hear on one side.  I now wonder why I was so ashamed of that health problem for so long, but there are so many aspects of life that we hide simply because we think their knowing might make our friends think differently about us.  

As we age, we do our best to hide those aspects of our physical appearance that make us come across that way. I can’t help but think this when I see all the television adverts offering ways to stop one’s hair going grey, the countless products being provided to the ladies as they try to stop the wrinkling of their skin, and even the men are getting in on the act when it comes to those items of shapewear that help to disguise the bits that start to sag. 

We all have distinctive aspects of ourselves that we keep hidden. Still, as we get older, we become less ready to show the people around us what makes us tick. My message to all those who have spent a lifetime trying to hide those aspects of themselves that make them unique in a way that they would instead not acknowledge is that perhaps now could be the time to come out of whichever closet you have been hiding in and be yourself.

The reverse side of that coin is that we need to remember that tolerance is the key. Sadly, we humans can be a very critical species without thinking of the consequences for the person who is the object of our comments. No doubt, if we remember some of the comments we might have made without thinking in the past, we let our minds wander about how our friends will perceive us as things change. 

It is easy to forget our positive traits as old age offers us those that can only be considered unfavourable. Little off-the-cuff comments among friends, meant to make the people around us smile, can sometimes be interpreted as subliminal messages with a personal aim. If you were once the person who would have had no problem saying them, you could be even more ready to accept something heard personally after your circumstances have changed.  

My message may be twofold.  If circumstances have to change, there is no shame in acknowledging that change with the people around you, but whatever they are, we need to think just a little more before we speak or at least be a little more ready to backtrack when necessary.  

UH, Penge