Dear  LPG,  


I believe that there are not many people who get anywhere near retirement age, without having met a few people in life who they think would benefit from adopting a point of view nearer to their own.   


But time tends to teach us not to bother trying to change people, and that works in most cases.  If the person who you can see preparing to take a trip down the wrong path is not a particularly significant person in your life, it is relatively easy to watch and wait for that opportunity to be able to say, ‘I told you so’, after the horse has bolted.    


It is our husbands, wives, children and close friends whose minds we often find ourselves trying to change, especially when we can see them heading towards making a mistake that we have either watched someone else make, with disastrous consequences, or that we have made ourselves. 


I am sure that you would not expect me to go into detail but I can see my grandson doing exactly that at the moment.  I feel lucky to have quite a close relationship with this young man despite our age differences and, before telling me of his plan, he swore me to secrecy.  As I said, he is very important to me which is why it is so hard to watch the inevitable play out.  What my grandson plans to do is not going to land him in jail or leave him physically or financially disadvantaged, but he has confided in me and I just know that he will regret it.  I am sure you know that feeling when you try the subtle hint and your view is rejected out of hand right there and then.  


I cannot think of anything more frustrating and it is something that nearly all of us have experienced at one time or another. I am sure that nearly everyone will have heard the saying that reminds us that trying to get through to someone who has already made their mind up is futile, but all we can do is try. 


It is ironic that even though I feel unable to talk to anyone I know about all this, I have written it all down, but doing that reminded me to take a look at what the internet has to say about getting someone to change their mind.   


My electronic friend had a few ideas to offer, the first being don’t let you view be the start of an argument.  There was also a lot of advice suggesting that, if you then find your point of view being ignored, it might be worth trying to tell a story to illustrate your point.  Taking the time to be empathic was another suggested way forwards but I think that it is putting yourself in the other person’s shoes that kicks of the whole scenario in the first place. 


Empathy is important, but when I spoke the warning that I could not help letting out of my mouth, my young grandson just told me that I did not understand how different things are now as opposed to when I was his age.   


While I was busy trying to find the answer online, I learned  quite a bit more than that and only time will tell if I can put any of it into practice by succeeding to dissuade the young man from the plan which I think would be so bad for him, but I suspect that there are other readers who find themselves in a similar situation and I hope that some of the information I found on the subject might help them make their minds up about how they can best go about trying to achieve such a goal. 


If you find yourself anywhere near the place I am describing, anything might be worth trying…  


IB, Catford.  

 

 

IB, Shares    what he found…

 

 

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