Dear LPG readers,

 

 

I wonder if I am the only person of my age who was thou ght to be one of the good children when I was at primary school.  There were children around me who would get into trouble for attracting attention to themselves by putting their hands up and offering the teacher some answer to a question which was designed to make the whole class laugh, and there were the ones who never did their homework or played up during play time.  There were the ones who always got chosen for the principle role in the school play but I was never one of those.  I spent my school days doing my best not to stand out because I was always told that the ‘good’ children did their best not to make a fuss.

 

 

That attitude followed me into my adult life as well and I would describe myself as a person who had a quiet, fulfilled and happy family life.  I worked in a progression of office jobs and I had one or two work colleagues that I would go out to lunch with, but I did my best not to get too friendly because I so often heard them criticising each other about the way they dressed to come to the office or the state of each other’s houses if they were ever offered an invitation, and I did not want all that stuff said about me.  You could say that I kept my home life and work life really separate and that worked really well until I retired.

 

 

When I think back, I spent my whole life trying my best to make sure that I did not stand out and it worked very well, but I am sure that I will not be the only person that finds themselves retired and living alone.  Family has taken up some of my post-retirement time but not having anywhere that you have to be or anything that you have to do at any particular time of the day can help to make for a really lonely life.

 

I bet I am not the only person that can go shopping in a really crowded high street or shopping centre and come home having bought lots of stuff without really feeling as if they have connected with anyone at all.

 

 

There are lots of strangers from which you would think it might be easy to choose a potential friend or two everywhere, once you get past your front door but, the rules that I have lived my life by quite successfully so far, are not working any more.   I found that I have spent a whole lifetime so far trying to not really get noticed, but the consequence is that I have now become socially invisible. 

 

 

I took a look at the internet and found a few suggestions which are nearly always aimed at the young or offer differing ulterior motives and circumstances for wanting to lift your personal profile but, no matter what your age, if you are feeling invisible there are lessons to be learned.   I have learned that dressing slightly differently can give people around you a reason to talk to you, if only to make a comment.  A badge, a really bright item of clothing or even a carrier bag or tee shirt in the summer that sports a message can be the stand-out accessory that makes all the difference. Such an accessory might be a conversation starter that attracts a complete stranger who could also be a potential new friend.   

 

 

I have also learned not to be frightened to comment or complement someone who stands out to you just because they do as I am walking down the road.  It does take guts to walk up to a complete stranger and start a conversation but it does work.  I have found a few other bits of online advice that might be helpful and hope that anyone feeling as I used to, take a look at some of the messages I have left below.  A lot of what has been said will pass you by but perhaps there will be one comment that helps… 

 

 

Now that I look back at my life so far I realise that when I lived alone before I retired, I had so much to do that it did not really bother me at all, but it does now and I am glad that I made the effort and managed to change tracks.  I have found a social club and some friends which make a difference to some of my time but my efforts to make first contact with people I don’t know by looking a little different has really helped.   

 

 

GF, Crofton Park

 

 

 

GF offers the lessons that the internet has taught her on this subject…

 

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