Dear LPG,  

I have lived with my mother for the past 16 years and she is now in her early 90s.  You would assume that you would get used to each other in all that time but I now realise that, while time changes people do in some ways, but in a lot of ways we stay exactly the same.    

It amuses many of her friends when I am given a directive and still answer with ‘yes mum’ as I go off to do her bidding, and when we are out together, whether it be at a party or the shops, when my mother says those words, ‘Come on we are going now’, I nearly always respond with, ’Yes mum.’ 

I am not saying that we don’t have our disagreements but I cannot remember ever having as many tantrums as my grandchildren do these days because they can’t have something they  want instantly.  I am also sure that most people who were children in the 1950s would not ever dream of substituting the words ‘ I want…’ for ‘Please can I have… ’.   Even the internet agrees that the values we learn as children are most likely to stay with us throughout our lives and I think that many older people will agree that, in general, those values are on the decline in our younger people.  

I cannot help but remember the relatively tough rules we learned to live by as children and that so many of my grandchildren are only likely to be exposed to when they are baby sat by their grandparents.  Like me, my siblings and my children at that age, leaving the dinner table before everyone had finished, or without at least asking for, and having the permission of the other diners, was not an option; and when getting yourself something to eat, once you had asked permission, without offering everyone else in the room the same (or at least something similar), was a definite ‘no no!’    

I have found that when they are left alone with me, my young grandchildren’s conduct, can reflect more of those more classic values but, as soon as their mums and dads come back into the picture, degrees of rebellion soon become the way forward.  It occurs to me that they can adhere to those rules of basic respect and good behaviour even though variables such as time, and the restricted powers that the government is allowing their parents are arguably two of many reasons for the lower standards expected of primary school aged children of today. 

I remember being a young parent myself, I would regularly receive parental advice about my children’s behaviour traits at a time when a quite word from my parents or in-laws when the children weren’t around would give food for thought, but today we grandparents need to be so careful because, we are more likely to be quoted some nugget of advice that originated on the internet when our children disagree with any guidance you might have to offer.   


But I now have children who are telling me of their parenting regrets as the general standard of their children’s behaviour does not meet with the standards they would expect from an older child.  My son recently confided in me that he regretted making sure that his children have had every toy that they wanted to date, because he has just noticed that they take so much for granted and have no sense of value.  

I have come to the decision that passing on the wisdom that we oldies have learned through our long hard years of experience only comes into play when those young and impressionable children are just old enough to be too old to mend their ways.  If anyone has any ideas on how to get through to your children when their children are young enough to learn those basic good manners which are so often missing when we look at the young ones these days, they pass on the benefit of their experiences. 

But the bottom line must be that we grandparents need to keep doling out the advice whenever we get the opportunity, if we don’t want these basic values to slip any further…   

CS, Southwark.