Dear LPG, 

 

I read what was said in a recent LPG message where a grandparent highlighted the plight of those who have grandchildren that they can no longer see or have contact with (►►►).  I think that the geographical aspect of today’s family relationships creates more than enough estrangement before you add in the breakup of parental partnerships.   

It has always been the case that some marriages end happily while others don’t.   When I was about to tie the knot many years ago, I remember my mother telling me that a marriage is about a lot more than just the bride and the groom. She said that extended family needed to be considered too and reminded me that a couple of centuries ago, the parents had a lot more to do with choosing their children’s partners if they had any social standing at all.  She cited Jane Austin’s novel, Pride and Prejudice as her evidence.     I am sure that many of us older people will remember being young and in love although back in the mid-20th century it was accepted that marriage came before the children. This is something that I think that increasing numbers of modern couple seem to forget – hence the situation that Rudy describes. 

Most of us older people will remember the days before people only watched what they could stream and the morning tabloid talk show reigned supreme.  It all started with Gerry Springer and Jeremy Kyle and others followed.  There were many hosts but one reoccurring theme would be that of the warring estranged partnership situation that often included a tug -of-love discussion where one parent would threaten that the other would never see their child again. 

Rudy has a point when he says that Grandparents have less of a waiting window, but the parent who denies the other contact with that child often forgets that their child will grow up and probably accuse the parent they grew up with of robbing them of access to the other. 

Perhaps it is up to the parent of the parents who end up with custody to do their best to remind their child (the parent making all the rules) that, depending on the situation and even if there are really good reasons for an estranged parent not to have contact, the other grandparents should not be punished in such a way.   

These days I think that finding a significant other is all about looks, it might have always been, but it appears that the 21st century brought the fashion for skipping the wedding and getting on with parenthood.   

“Perhaps we grandparents (as parents of children who double as parents who now have custody of their own kids) are in the best position to explain all of this to them and remind them of the harm they may be causing to family members who don’t deserve to be treated this way. 

MI, Sydenham.