Dear LPG readers,  

It is so easy to get exasperated when trying to get through to someone on the phone these days.  It is bad enough when you are trying to make a call to a company, government department or some other official agency, but what about calls from your family?  

The retired people of today can still remember when, once you said goodbye to a friend or loved one, you were completely dependent on waiting for them to get to another phone before you could contact them again.   

I know that when my grown up children make a trip from Kent to visit me, as they are leaving, I tell them that I would feel better once they have phoned to let me know that they arrived home safely.  It is hard to remember the days when there were no telephones, and we would have to use another weapon in our caring arsenal to deal with such situations, the main one I am talking about being hope.  

When we were the teenagers of the world, the only way that our parents could be sure that we were safe was to follow us discreetly.  There was little time for all that in the 1950s and, in spite of all the technology we have today, no one has any more time now either.  But at least most of us have our smartphones to use as well in addition to the afore mentioned hope.    

And I am sure that I am not the only parent-pensioner who will agree with my thinking that, now our children have us older parents ‘wired up’ to either a mobile phone, Alexa or one of the other virtual assistants, they never seem to leave us alone.   

How many of the phone calls from a son or daughter begin with them telling you about all the times that they have been trying to call you recently, followed by that age-old question about why you did not answer?     

Then there is my favourite scenario, where they call you and the call gets cut off and, because you don’t want to offend, you try to call back only to hear the engaged signal. Then there is a session of you calling and getting the busy tone before you give up.  Then, you leave the phone and get just about 10 yards away only to hear it ring again and cut off before you get back to answer it.   

Those concerned friends and family members are always telling us to keep our mobile phones with us but as older people we know that there are places that you have to go to at times where it just is not practical.  Have you ever been interrupted by the sound when you are in the little room and rushing to get to it is just not an option?   

I am sure that I am not the only person to literally race, soaking wet, from the bathtub, having all but tripped in my rush to retrieve it and missed the call anyway.  I can also recall, an occasion when I took it with me, heard it and answered it, but it acted just like a cake of soap often does under those circumstances.   I was in such a hurry that the phone did its best impression of a slippery bar of soap and ended up sharing my bath and having to be replaced. 
  
Rather than running to get it perhaps we need to explain that we are not as quick as those young people who care for us so much that they are forever calling to check that we are OK. 

I would like to make a few recommendations.   

1, the next time we are accused of not having the phone next to us when it rings, perhaps we need to explain all this to the person who starts their telephone conversation with those words. ’I have been trying to get you for ages, why have you not got your phone with you?’  

2, don’t run for the phone when it rings and it is too far away to answer on time (in case you or it falls and something gets broken) 

3, if you miss and try to call back only to get the busy sound, leave trying again for a couple of minutes (to give the person who called you time to try again)  

4,  get someone who knows how to maximise the number of rings your phone makes before reverting to the voicemail option to help you sort your phone out. 

5, get someone to teach you how to work out who called when you can’t get to the phone on time  

6, Remind your impatient family members (especially those grown up children) that, while those ‘are you OK’ phone calls are important, we all managed before the telephone was invented.  

I have come to the conclusion that all the tensions surrounding the results of not getting to the phone on time should have its own accepted expression.  When you hear that distant ring and start the dash to the sound that you know is more than likely to be unsuccessful, it reminds me of another ‘have to go’ moment that we older people have to get used to.   I am talking about incontinence.   


I recently looked up the definition of incontinence on the internet. Google defined it as “the involuntary or accidental loss of control over bodily functions.” It struck me that, for the younger generation, hearing a mobile phone ring and answering it instantly has become a bodily function in its own right.  They therefore need to understand that some of us older folk suffer from “phone incontinence” — a condition that, all too often, prevents us from getting to the phone before it stops ringing!   

I hope you will agree that this is an affliction that requires a little patience and tolerance on our well-meaning caring friends and younger family members’ part! 

HG, Forest Hill