Dear Readers,  

I read an interesting statistic online recently.  Did you know that the average age when women have their first child has risen?  Apparently, it was much more common to find us ladies becoming mums before the age of thirty in the 1950s while since the 1990s, most mums are much more likely not to have produced a child until after they have reached that milestone.  I also learned that about one in five of us never have a child. 

To my mind, all those statistics add up to the fact that 80% of us retired ladies are likely to be grandmothers, but it is worth remembering that we also still qualify as mothers too (although I believe that there are few ladies who have not found themselves mothering someone along life’s path, whether we produced that person or not).  Perhaps the reason that we see ourselves as grandmothers before recognising the mothering part of our lives is because of just how challenging that whole process can be.   


So four-fifths of us ladies will remember having them and, if we really think back far enough, we can remember some of the major issues that went with that territory.   No matter if you are a mum or a dad, they were a challenge, but when we are just getting used to it comes the heart-wrenching moment when they announce that they are off to university, work away from home or leave for good.  Looking back, that is perhaps the hardest part of parenthood, but time heals and we get on with the rest of our lives. 

Perhaps it is our ability to adapt and forget the details of the past that often leaves us forgetting the trials of parenthood and swapping them for the slightly easier task of being in charge of the occasional babysitting session.  The problems are similar, but at least you can hand them back before things really hit rock bottom when they are your grandchildren, particularly the younger ones…  

My children all phone from time to time but I have become my son’s agony aunt of late.  As I mentioned, we have always talked, but he has recently been phoning me on a daily basis because he has changed jobs and now drives to work each morning. I have the honour of being his remote driving companion because of the hands-free Bluetooth mobile phone feature in his car.  It is a relatively private place for a more personal chat because, unlike during a journey on a bus or train, the lone commuting driver has no audience or prying ears listening in.  I think that those daily phone calls during the week have brought us a lot closer than we have been since he was at junior school.  I know more about what he is doing at work and the trials and tribulations he faces as the father of my grandchildren.  I don’t think that they are any more challenging than any children of this era, but talking to him reminds me of parenting my young brood. 

My point is that advice comes best when your child, no matter how old, asks for it, and they ask more questions when you have the time to talk more.   

I talk to my other children too, but not quite as often because of all their busy schedules, but I find myself part of this particular son's daily routine, which really does make a difference.  When we oldies meet up with our friends, our children and grandchildren often become the topic of discussion, but so many of us are only able to give a very factual update on their progress: which of their children has had a promotion at work or how well the grandchildren did in their exams.   But I find that when we start talking about how the kids are doing, I have a lot more to say about at least one set of mine. 

So while I do my fair share of grandmotherly duties, I have also suddenly become a hands-on/hands-free mum again all because of a drive to work.   

LR, Brockley