Dear LPG,  

One of the things that so many of us unintentionally ignore as we get older is getting around to making a will.  The internet tells that around half of the people living in the UK are still thinking about it.  Making plans for the things that you treasure or use every day, and plan to for a while yet, is a hard thing to do and there are even harder decisions to be made in my view.  

Before you even think about what you plan to leave for who, you need to find someone to make sure that your wishes are carried out and I recently read an article on your pages which took me back a bit.  (►►►)

I am now one of the half of those who have put the deed in place and I agree wholeheartedly with the writer when she tells of how difficult it can be to find one or two people ready to take on the role of executor.  I did all this about four years ago, but not long after my own personal nightmare of finding someone to act in my eventual absence, one of my mother’s friends decided that I would be the perfect candidate to act for her, in conjunction with one of her other friends.  

Perhaps, because there was going to be someone else involved as well as me, and for all the reasons that GS mentioned in her article, I accepted the challenge and life goes on.  The truth is that I had always planned to get to know my fellow executor.  My plan was to be introduced by the lady in the middle within a few months of signing up, but that never happened.  At the time, the person whose will I said I would jointly take on, was as fit and healthy as an older lady can be, but a lot can happen in 4 years.  She is now 99 and not as coherent as she once was, and as all her family and friends, including my mother and me, rally round, I am learning a lot more about the relationship between her children.  There is little love lost between them from what I have worked out, and even more worryingly, my partner in the venture (who I never actually met anyway) has passed away, and the cognitive skills of the person who wrote the will have deteriorated considerably.  

More than one of her children have confided that they have no idea about what will happen with her will and each has asked me if I know anything about what is in it, where they can see a copy and if I am her chosen executor.  But when I was first given the job I promised not to show it to anyone or share information about my planned part.   

I have to admit to there being some degree of sibling rivalry in my family although I think that the family I have undertaken to help makes ours look tame, but avoiding answering such questions is doing my conscience no good. The questions about what I know got me feeling really worried about whether I should lie and say I don’t know anything.  I have not opened the envelope that I was given that contains the document and never planned to until I had no choice.     But I am now dreading finding myself in the middle of a family feud when it all comes out, so I went to the internet to find some answers.   

The internet advises that a promise is a promise and I should honour mine and not tell her family members until the inevitable happens, and there is no legal need for me to tell them that I have been named executor at this time.  The final thing I have found out is, if it all gets too much, you can change your mind about being in charge. You can complete a Deed of Renunciation which, if you do it online can cost from £18 if you opt for self-service.    

I have written this down in case there is anyone else who finds themselves in my position.  I want to stress that, at the moment, I am looking ahead a bit and seeing what could happen with the result that I am thinking the worst really.   I always knew that it would not be easy but the attitude of the family could be a reason to step away altogether and it is good to know that there are a few options.  

SA, Lewisham. 

 

 

SA found some online advice but points out that most of it is on solicitor’s websites and coupled with their attempts to attract you to use their services…

 

 

 

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