Dear LPG,

I am sorry that this is such a depressing topic but I really feel the necessity to share my thought here.

I currently visit a care home at least twice a week because my Aunt is now a resident.  I don’t stay that long but I think that as RO of Downham wrote in the article that you posted on June 27^th earlier this year (►►►) you have to check on what is happening regularly.

But my regular visits to the home that my aunt is in, even though I have no complaints and feel that she is relatively comfortable there, have brought me round to thinking that we all need to make sure that there is someone in place to perform that service of visiting and checking how we are if residency becomes the way forward for us. 

I will again say that I believe that my Aunt is getting good care but now that I visit regularly, and at different times during the day, it appears to me that some of the residents get regular visits from relatives but many don’t.  I do believe that the standard of care is progressing positively as RO said but if any improvements can be made in your particular case, someone who knew you before any dementia affected your personality can only be helpful and the closest people to you are often not your children these days. 

We all need someone to check that we are being treated as well as can be expected, and when I visit, there are times when my aunt does not communicate much which allows me time to think.  I am just observing for a short period but try to imagine what it would be like for someone who is there all the time. I have become aware of two very significant facts.

The first is that this is a road that I could well find myself walking sooner than later, and though I am lucky enough to have children who, I hope, will be there for me when the time comes, I know that their involvement is not a ‘given’.  I do have every confidence in them but I am very aware that they are otherwise preoccupied and not living that close to me geographically.   I think that those of us with children also need to realise that by the time we may need their help they may be in a situation where they are unable to offer it.  I also think of the people who have now lost all their relatives and friends and have no one to rely on in this way.

So while we are still young enough it is essential to remember that while children may be the right people to name as attorneys, it is important to make sure that there are a couple of others in place when you are putting the health-related aspect of a ‘Power of Attorney’ application together, as this has to add insurance to our best chance of continued wellbeing.  Remember if you don’t name them they may well be in a position where they are told that they have no right to comment or learn about your health details.

KJ, Catford