Dear LPG,

Lockdown or no lockdown, Christmas is on its way again and I wonder if I am the only grandparent who is now seeing the mistakes that I made when trying to be a good parent all those years ago, being repeated for the second and sometimes third time as the generations stretch out before me.  In some cases, I am talking about some pretty catastrophic ones, but others appear relatively small.

I am talking about the three or four-year-old great-grandchild that you can see being given so much leeway by their parents that they are storing up real problems for themselves in a few years’ time, and the ones who get everything they ask for as they grow into teenagers who take all those things for granted, while their parents go into serious debt to pay for it.

I notice that my grandchildren often get really expensive presents on a whim between recognised celebrations while, when their birthdays and Christmas come around, the presents don’t seem as ‘special’ as tradition demands if everyone is to experience that all-important feel-good factor as part of the emotional fall-out. Have you ever given a grandchild a present which they don’t really appear to appreciate?  

Recently I sent one of my grandchildren, who I don’t have a lot of contact with, a doll and when I telephoned, the little girl told me that it was not all that good and broke the first time she played with it.

While money might have something to do with what you choose to give, ignorance of the present giving trends, and what their parents have not already bought them in any particular year, is not helpful either. When we, who are most likely to be LPG readers were young, the element of anticipation, surprise and gratitude were the really important aspects of present giving, particularly at Christmas.

These days the children are more interested in how much money they will get and, in many cases, any thanks the present giver does get seems obligatory and short lived, while enthusiasm or just basic gratitude can often be the other missing elements. 

When we were young, there were fewer presents for our parents to choose from and I can hear my mother telling me how lucky I was, while following that statement with one about an apple and a book being a seriously satisfying Christmas-present highlight in her day. 

Perhaps one thing that we need to remind our children to do is to teach and instil in their children the need for appreciation when getting a present no matter how underwhelmed or privately disappointed they may be…

No matter how old or young we are it is a skill that means so much, so we also need to practice a bit of what I am preaching when we are on the receiving end of presents too, although I hope we get the opportunity to do so. Only time will tell if we are still locked down when the big day comes, and if so, we can use this year to practice for 2021. 

MP, New Cross

LPG found an online lesson or two on the subject…

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