Dear LPG,

I want to start by saying that in spite of what the internet has to offer, what I have written here is just my opinion and I know that it hardly scrapes the surface.  I want to talk about a commodity that, as we get older we often have in more abundance, although I strongly believe that so many are really nowhere near as worth keeping as we often think they are although there are exceptions.  But then, they are usually the ones that you don’t try to share in the first place; but I digress.    Here’s a little story…

Years ago, when I was a lot younger than I am now, during a talk I was having with my sister in law, she said those dreaded words.  ‘I’m going to tell you this but you must never tell anyone else…’.  The secret that she told me is all water under the bridge now, but at the time what she had to say left me with that two-pronged dilemma. Who doesn’t want an insight into the darkest depths of someone else’s cupboard skeletons, but can I really keep it to myself?

My answer was, ‘Go on…’  and she told me… Well, I’m not going to tell you what it was,  suffice to say that I did not really think it much of a secret at all but, in spite of that I was now well and truly in possession of it, and I knew that if I told any other member of the family it would get back to her in the end.

I had to tell someone, and I chose my mother, but she felt exactly the same as I did and the only person she thought she could trust was my Dad, and so there was yet another ear-whispering moment. 

Well, it’s all ancient history now so I can intimate that the secret was about a somewhat embarrassing boil that had developed on a rather undignified part of my brother’s anatomy, and although people get boils from time to time the teller of the secret just had to get it off her chest, as did I, and my mother, and my father. (as I said this was a long time ago). 

About two weeks later there was a family party and I thought I had nothing to worry about when I saw my Dad and sister-in-law sharing a little one-on-one banter in the middle of all the other family chit chat.  But as I passed them with the tray of party snacks I was offering the guests, I heard my Dad just mention the words, ‘… and I hope that your husband is better now’.  I will never forget the look that my sister in-law-directed at me as soon as the words were said.

I hope that you enjoyed that little story, but it does emphasise one of the fundamental failings of human nature, well at least my human nature.  Ever since we beings perfected the art of talking, we just can’t keep secrets and the cruellest thing you can do is put someone in such a position of confidence. 

So, I have come to the conclusion that secrets are a bit like problems; or at least there is a new proverb in there somewhere. We all know that, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’, as they say.  I would like to pen this new proverb ‘A secret shared is a secret exposed (which will nearly always come back to haunt you!)

I was looking on the internet the other day and found a surprising amount of information about why it is so hard to keep a secret, the effects that they have on the people who are burdened with them and what you can do to improve your secret keeping skills, but for all I learned there I have come to two conclusions.

1, if someone tells you that they are going to tell you a secret, resist the temptation to know the details and tell them to keep it to themselves.

And

2, so many so called secrets appear a lot worse to the person who they belong to and would cause a lot less pain and anguish to all concerned if you just told everyone in the first place.

YT, Catford.

YT shares the internet opinions she found on the subject…

                                                                      (►►►)   (►►►)     (►►►)    (►►►)