Dear LPG readers,

I bet that I am not the only one who noticed that when I retired, so many of my really close friends were left at work while I arrived at a time in my life where I suddenly acquired a progression of long days which were missing of, not only the work that used to occupy them but also the people who used to help me to fill them.

 
Many of us people who have attained a certain age and who have already jumped the retirement barrier find that once we retire, we lose touch with friends because they are still submerged in the world of work that being retired gives us a rest from.  It is also true that paradoxically, we suddenly have so much more time for them while they are still struggling to have the time to connect with us at all.

It is also ironic that we find ourselves needing to make new ones at a time when we are so out of practise.  There is no definitive recipe for making new friends and we live in an age where we are all so much more wary of taking strangers into our confidence.  Putting yourself out there by attending events and clubs is an obvious way to find potential friends, but then there is the problem of working out which ones are genuine.   After a lot of thinking on this topic, I have come to the conclusion that there are three types of new friends to take into consideration.

There are those who are genuine and who are also looking for real friends, others who will get a lot more out of you and the friendship you share without putting that much into it, and we also have to be aware of those who might have a deliberate ulterior motive for engaging with you. 

We have all heard about confidence tricksters who get so close to unsuspecting people with the result that they can be tricked out of savings.  Invariably such people introduce themselves as possible partners but not always. 

We all think that we learn how to deal with working out the genuine friends from the fake ones as we make our way through life.  By the time we get to retirement we all think that we have made enough mistakes and have had enough experience to know the difference, but in this day and age we have to be more careful than ever.  

I went on line and took a look at some of the signs that we might need to look out for when working out where our new friendships are going and, while I don’t think that there will ever be a definitive ‘one-fits-all’ solution, perhaps taking a step back and trying to be objective a few weeks into any new friendship that you find yourself in might be helpful. 

I think that many will agree that when it comes to any friendship or relationship, you will only ever get out of it what you put into it, but we live in a day and age when we have to be more vigilant than ever.  Most potential friendships are really genuine and, it is true that we only really hear about the bad ones on the television, in newspapers or in magazines but, perhaps after a few weeks into any new relationship, might be the time to check that you are not putting more into it than you are getting out of it. 

EL, Lewisham. 

EL has found a few internet tips on spotting a genuine friendship…

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