Dear LPG, 

I recently wrote about a friend of mine who succumbed to a stroke last autumn and thought that her cat had disappeared forever while she was in hospital.  It was a story with a happy ending (►►►).   I continue to visit every week and her improvement is gradual but very apparent each time I visit.  

She, however is not so aware of her improvement although she does look at her situation from both the positive and negative perspectives.  She knows that things could be so much worse but gets somewhat frustrated when thinking about the things that used to be so easy to do, and it makes me sad to see that.  

Her sight has been impaired which makes it really hard for her to read or watch the television, she speaks more slowly which, though she does not dwell on it much must irritate her somewhat, and her left arm and leg are far from working at full capacity.

She has just reached pensioner status and lives alone with few visitors apart from the carers but at least she can now get to the kitchen and bathroom in her house.  I have to say that I have been there a few times and I have watched her.   I get really worried about if she will make it without falling.  She tells me that it happens from time to time.  

The limitations she experiences because of the restricted function she has in the fingers of her left arm and hand are perhaps the most frustrating thing for her.  She does not complain much but every now and then she will make a comment about how annoying it is to have to have so much done for her.  I wish I could visit more often so I try to phone but, having seen her answer the phone to someone else when I was with herm I understand why I often don’t get an answer.  We two handed people just take for granted the simple task of picking it up with one hand and pressing the appropriate button with the other.   

The other day I arrived just in time to watch her finish making herself a cup of tea. It is something that most of us do so easily but she was more or less balancing on one leg and using her working arm to do everything else.  My fear was that if her balance failed, she would not be able to rely on her weak arm to steady her.   Filling the Kettle meant opening the tap then putting the kettle under the flowing water with the inevitable spillage and the thought of what would happen if she had one of those overbalance-moments while holding the kettle with her good hand went through my mind too.  Opening the fridge and taking the lid off the milk carton was another worry and stirring the tea is something we take for granted but can you imagine doing it while keeping your balance and without being able to steady the cup with your other hand?  she was also doing all that with limited sight which got me worried about her missing the cup with the hot water and scalding herself.

I so wanted to help but she refused.  She said that she could not depend on other people for ever and had to learn.  I could see the sense in what she said and I have learned only to help when asked because everything that she relearns to do for herself is an achievement for her.  Perhaps, just like when I was a mother wanting to protect her children, it was important to realise that we can do too much for them.  Doing everything for them will slow down their ability to learn. 

She often comments on how much more severe her stroke could have been and while it is a slow process she can do a little more for herself as the days pass, but I cannot help but think about all the other things that people with only the use of one arm have to completely rethink.

 
We do so many things automatically, but It is obvious when you think about it that there are so many simple tasks that we people who have two working hands take for granted.

It gives a whole new meaning to a phrase that my primary school teacher often said when commenting on his frustration because we young students were not getting some simple task done effectively enough.   He would say, ’You should be able to do that with one hand tied behind your back!’ but I bet he never actually tried it… 

LA, Blackheath.   

LA found us some videos that show a bit about one handed life in a two handed world…

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