Dear LPG readers,

Have you ever found yourself between a rock and a hard place as they say these days?  

My now grown children spend a lot of time reminding me that once you become a retired person with a decision to make, it all becomes so much easier.  After all, most of the ones that are pressing are less likely to change our financial situations for the worse or affect the people around us in the same way as they did when we were younger and our children were more dependent.  According to my now-not-so-little-ones I have no one that depends on me anymore and that must make making choices so much easier.  

But I beg to differ, especially when those once young ones who are not so young anymore feel the need to influence us oldies when we make the mistake of bringing them up to date with what is going on in our lives.  While we pensioners are nearly always thought of as the grandparents, many of us are also mums and dads, and I don’t think I am the only parent of a 40 or 50-year-old who thinks that they know so much better than I do when it comes to what I want, what I need and what is best for me.  I think we retired parents need to be especially careful when our children start offering their versions of solutions while we are still telling our stories, and before we ask for any advice. 

When there are still two of you it is relatively easy to put on that same parental united front that was needed when they were children asking for permission to do something or have something.  The two of you will find it is so much easier to disagree (while agreeing with each other) or to just say ‘No, not this time.’ if the need arises.  When an older person finds his or herself facing the opposition of a forceful child alone, their ideas are often objective and worth some consideration, but I wonder if there are any other readers with children in that sort of age bracket who feel especially obliged to insist that they know what is best for you when it comes to things that you want to buy that they think are a waste of time, or how much they think that you should be spending on the things that they actually approve of.   It is also interesting that as you get older they, all too often, mistake the longer time it takes us to do things physically, for assuming that because we do things a bit more slowly, our minds are doing the same thing at the same rate and we cannot make our own accurate decisions.

Whatever the perplexity, when you get right down to it, there are usually only two really relevant ways to go and I suggest that, while we take what they have to say on board, we also take the view of our similar aged friends into consideration, and getting a consultation with Google might be yet another way forward before you feel focused and confident that you are taking the balanced and objective view of things.  Before engaging any contractor for a building job, we are advised to get at least three estimates and perhaps we need to carry that thinking through to all our predicaments.

Failing that perhaps just flip a coin if you can still find one… 

TH, Bermondsey,